The Lowedown: Still no easy answers for Jets | photos

"No can do," he replied.

"What about if it's my daughter's birthday, and I should be in celebratory mood?"

Also a negative response (but happy birthday for yesterday anyway, Ab).

Surely, then, I would be entitled to a little extra compensation for pain and suffering?

"Think of the members and fans, Lowey." And then: “Also consider that a lot of your recent stuff has had similar or overlapping themes, so maybe we could trim your remuneration."

Stop right there, before we go any further . . . sorry, channelling Meatloaf in his prime. Mine too, actually, with Paradise by the Dashboard Lights. For those too young to remember, it's a song about teenage lust and desire, with a humorous twist at the end, about wanting something so badly that you'd do anything to get it, but regretting it as soon as the deal is done.

It's a long bow to draw, but I promise we will return to that theme shortly.

I was at work on the Sunday afternoon, ducked down to the TAB and then the nearest pub to see if I could watch the first half in my meal break.

No joy. All I found were various games involving a lot of very large Polynesian chaps throwing a misshapen ball around and charging into each other, and two long-priced leaders who got run down in the last stride.

When I returned to work I asked some people with those modern phones for a score and regular updates, and the shock and disbelief set in.

Was it karma because I'd laughed when someone asked me that day whether it was “harder to be a Jets supporter or a Knights supporter". I’d chuckled and said something like: "What, after a 40-0 loss the other day, it's not even close." How wrong could I be?

As the goal tally grew and the text messages started coming in, I imagined that this must be the worst performance by the Jets in New Zealand, against a depleted Phoenix side. I was dreading the replay.

I will take a risk and walk into the firing line here and say that, in isolation, it's not even close to the worst I have seen from a Jets side over the ditch, but I realise that the frustration of the past two months, the 4-0 loss to Melbourne City last week and the scoreline makes for horrific reading.

I have seen games where the Jets have taken 70 minutes to get a shot on target against the Nix and barely strung three passes together.

On Sunday, at the 60-minute mark or thereabouts, the Jets had played with more of the ball and had 12 shots at goal, against Wellington’s 13, with five on target.

Not mind-blowing stuff, but better than it had been on many occasions in previous years.

"So, if the stats were fairly even, Lowey, what went wrong?”

Apart from the five goals, you mean?

Thought so. We could talk about individual errors that led to goals. Lachy Jackson allowing Barbarouses to turn him around on the dribble then shoot through his legs. The Boogaard detractors will claim he should have done better against Barbarouses on the second goal, but second-man cover was way too late arriving, and Finkler shouldn't get across Jackson, who is bigger and quicker, in a heading duel.

Third goal, poor marking for the initial header, then a panicky, powerless clearance to the danger area. Own goal for number four, and the fifth, too much space at the top of the box, and a deflection to rub salt into gaping wounds.

You could point out that the Nix were missing seven players, and that's true, but, for me, Barbarouses, Finkler and Bonevacia, along with the Fijian Roy Krishna, are usually key to their chances. Only Krishna, of that quartet, was missing.

The other stat that leapt up at me was that only six fouls had been committed by the hour mark in a game taking place in the "last-chance saloon", according to the commentary team.

That's training-game standard! A positioning game, to quote the modern vernacular. No yellow cards till late in the second half? Desperate, my backside.

There was no intensity in the fixture, and when a Newcastle team play that way, the alarm bells ring.

For me, on the football content, it was probably a 4-3 or 3-2 game Wellington's way, which is not acceptable either, but the Nix took advantage of the free shots; the Jets did not. However, the paper says 5-0, and Jets fans are embarrassed and howling for answers.

The players lacked motivation. Is that their fault, the coach's, or a combination?

Neal Endacott, good player, excellent raconteur and currently president of the "Men of Football", told me many moons ago that "good players don't require motivation, and the rest aren't worth worrying about". Is that the basic truth? Can you coach pride?

I know deep down that I believe modern players look to their coaches for too many answers, in any number of sports.

Disgruntled fans are suggesting the Jets sack the coach, the uncontracted players, management, the owner if he doesn't open his purse strings. Throw in some journos, and yours truly, for not writing “the Jets are ----” 20 weeks in a row. 

But replace them with who or what? It's not exactly the waiting room for coaching stardom, is it, if you look at where the past five or six coaches now ply their trade?

Player agents aren't directing their best to accept moderate offers to join a struggling club that is hardly likely to be in a big shop window any time soon.

New CEO, or director of football? Same handicaps in terms of financial constraints applying? Good luck.

The owner could sack himself, or sell the club to . . . who? A community-owned model? Not a favoured option for the FFA, apparently. Do the public have the stomach or patience for a long haul? Because there is no easy answer.

Or do we channel the Loaf, promise our undying love but pull the pin on the project, the heartache and the frustration? Can we help? Can we support? Can we wait? Or would it just be easier to start "praying for the end of time"?